Mundane Turbulence

Better Blog

Alright, I’m done with tumblr…my blog is now up at my domain and you can even COMMENT on it — woo!  Go see it at herwitz.com/blog.

Seventeenth-and-a-Half Post

It’s happening. I’m buying bowties tonight. 

Seventeenth Post

My old timey westernification continued today.  I just ordered a pair of these babies:

Ariat Rambler cowboy boots = quantifiable increase in amount of incoming poon?

I am very excited about them…although it means that I will probably have to buy some brown pants. Maybe.

Anyhoo, I wouldn’t have found these sweet boots if it weren’t for my sister, Ariel…I asked her to help me find some good ones, and she came back 30 seconds later with a link to those. When I told her how psyched I was that I ordered them this morning, she simply had this to say:

you know why they are so awesome?
because I am awesome

And in thinking about that statement, I came to this conclusion: she is entirely correct.

I previously alluded to the fact that I grew up pretty damn poor (seventh post)…but I didn’t have to go it alone. Shy-little-quiet Ariel (she’s two years younger) was there too, suffering through many of the same indignities and traumas. When we needed food for lunch from the corner store, and I had to ask that they “put it on our tab,” Ariel was there too; when other children would ridicule me in public for catching a glimpse of my food stamps, Ariel was there too; when I found used hypodermic needles in the backyards of the projects, Ariel was there too; when I would go nights without dinner, Ariel was there too.

When our parents separated, we both shared the same assumption of guilt; when our step mother called the police on our mom for trying to rescue us from a shitty Easter (or was it Christmas? Maybe Thanksgiving?), we both shared the same feeling of helplessness; when we had to watch our father get into screaming matches with total strangers, we both shared the same embarrassment of shame.

Our teen years saw us at odds, of course…we’d moved in with our mom, and I’d become a misanthropic little shit, envying the years she was attempting to enjoy, and her relationship with our mom. But I think that’s all to be expected around that age, and when I finally left for college, it certainly helped our friendship.

Meanwhile, Ariel worked hard. I remember that she would leave for school at 6am for study sessions in math — her worst subject — and return late in the evening after having worked tech in the school theater. Whereas I coasted through high school without trying, Ariel dedicated herself to getting good grades, and showed a motivation that is borne only out of having no other choice but to succeed.

With modest grace, she won her way into Bennington College — her first choice — and accomplished what I myself had abandoned at the time: she earned her degree (in spite of the various emotionally taxing financial obstacles). Neither of our parents had done this, nor had three out of four of our grandparents.

Anyway, Ariel works at Harvard now, and is planning the next steps in her life, and I couldn’t be more proud. We have lunch at least a couple times a week, AND she advises me on boot purchases?? I don’t think it gets much better than that.

Sixteenth Post

What’s that, you say — you haven’t read enough about Obama from me? Well, you are in for a treat. My friend Jess recently responded to the Obama plea from my thirteenth post, and what ensued was, I think, an interesting interaction. Peep it: 

Jess, 2/7/08:

So I read your plea to elect Obama. This is what I have to say:

I’m totally behind you on the Obama thing. I agree with him more than Hilary, policy wise, and, no matter how superficial this last reason may be, I generally get a better feeling from him. Even so, I think you were a little quick to dismiss Hilary as a kind of monumental presidential candidate. I mean, come on — she’s a woman! For once, we have a viable female candidate. You called yourself a feminist, and as a feminist, I think you should recognize that women really are still second class citizens in the US. I’m not arguing which is more damaging, or which requires greater reconciliation — racism or sexism — but I do think in our society outright sexism is much more acceptable than outright racism, which I think lends to this idea that women don’t have all that much to overcome nowadays. 

Thaaat said, implying that we should vote for either candidate because of their sex or race is demeaning and essentializing to the candidates and their platforms. 

Me, 2/8/08:

This election is pretty damn tricky, eh? One of the things that I’m loving about it, actually, is that it’s forcing us to talk about things that we might not normally allow ourselves to discuss — hence why my plea took the form that it did, which most directly addresses the last point of your response.  Basically, I disagree — conditionally (and I can’t emphasize that word enough) — with your assessment of it being wrong to vote for either candidate because of their race or sex.

I find both Clinton and Obama to essentially be the same politically. There are nuances in their positions, of course — particularly on war and security — but on healthcare, immigration, education, and the economy (the biggest issues to me), their differences are likely more the product of the fact that they’re racing against each other than of actual genuine disagreement. In fact, I imagine that their proposals would all end up exactly the same after making their ways through Congress anyway.

This then begs the question: how do you choose which candidate should get your vote? At one point does your decision split in one direction over another? A great example of a way to resolve these questions is one that you mentioned: basing your decision on the fact that you simply get a better feeling from Obama over Clinton. And you know what? That’s entirely valid. After all, one’s assessment or opinion, if based on the facts (for instance, you’ve observed how they behave publicly to come to your conclusion), is always correct by virtue of its subjectiveness.

What this kind of thinking inevitably creates, however, is two levels of discussion: political and metapolitical. In my mind, the political level has already been resolved, in that I believe they’re the same. So instead of talking politics, we’re now talking about politics. Of course, when any sort of meta-discussion is had, the elements of that exploration must be simplified. Symbols are important — they have great meaning, and are a means by which to motivate people to think beyond themselves. The symbols that you have assigned to Hillary and Barack were dislike and like, essentially. The symbols that I assigned were white female and black male.

I must at this point admit that I am very aware of the provocativeness of my choice of symbols. What I’ve attempted to do in choosing them is to have a more frank and open discussion about race and sex. Society and the media don’t want us to speak in these terms, because they’re quite taboo: much of the country wants to believe that we are beyond sexism and racism, to the point where it almost becomes anathema to discuss the notion that these factors may influence our decision-making. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that these inevitable classifications are, however, the predominant subtext of this election.

It is as you say — although I haven’t given it much face time, because I have my own agenda — it is a big deal that a woman has a shot at the presidency. Likewise, it is a big deal that a black man has a shot at the presidency. And that’s what I want to talk about…all other issues (the political) being equal, race and sex are what I want to talk about in this case (the metapolitical). What is the impact of a female president? What is the impact of a black president? What might electing one over the other say about the identity of this country, as it relates to its shameful history with both?

I would agree with you that this country is inherrently sexist, as I would suggest that it is also inherrently racist. This is where subjectiveness plays its incontestable part again: I believe that the symbolic (positive) impact on our country’s identity of electing a black man is greater than that of electing a white woman. This is a controversial statement — it means that I think this country is more racist than it is sexist. It means that I think Barack Obama will do more to make us less racist than Hillary Clinton will do to make us less sexist. 

I don’t judge this based on the content of their character — I have already judged they are both great people — I judge it based on what their candidacies represent to me — again, symbols are important. This nation’s treatment of both women and blacks has been horrific, and I in no way wish to judge who’s had it cumulatively worse — I’ve come to the conclusion (as I believe anyone would) that doing so is impossible. But if we take a look around us, right now, we are presented with these facts: black people have higher unemployment rates than whites; black people make less money than whites; black people have less access to quality education (due to ghettoization) than whites; black people have less access to quality health care and die younger than whites; black people are in greater numbers in our prisons than whites. 

It is because of those outrageous disparities that the choice splits for me in favor of race. If it were Hillary versus a comparable white man, I’d vote for Hillary. If it were Barack versus a comparable black woman, I’d vote for the black woman. In this case, however, Obama symbolizes the desire for our country to actually become less racist, as opposed to saying it is. Electing him doesn’t change black quality of life — or fix any of the problems that I’ve mentioned — but he embodies a first step towards that direction, which no other candidate has ever legitimately been able to offer, and an opportunity that is passed up at our peril.

I hope that clears up some of my thinking of the matter!

Jess, 2/11/08:

Basically, thanks for writing that all out, your reasoning makes a lot more sense to me now. I guess I’ve just become so used to negative connotations attached to either candidate because of their race/sex that I’ve become extra sensitive to people bringing them up — even when used in a positive light. I do know of a lot of women who are voting for Hilary because they are thrilled to see a female candidate with a real chance.

And I don’t feel qualified to argue over whether our country is more racist or sexist (obviously both issues are incredibly complicated and intertwined), but I get what you’re saying. And you’re obviously entitled to vote for whatever candidate you choose, for whatever reason you choose.

One more thing: I have noticed the media really honing in on the idea of a black man vs. a white woman, and what it says about the people who vote for either. Black women, in particular, have been forced into this weird place where the media tries to force them to pick between either their race or their sex, like those are the only two factors to consider (even Oprah has had to answer to it). Young women who lean towards Obama have been made to feel guilty by older women who support Hillary, to the point where we’ve been accused of being anti-feminist or something. I can send you links to back that whole thing up if you’re interested. But I guess I’m just extra sensitive to it all…haha.

Me, 2/11/08:

I have thought about the awkward position this election has put black women in particular into (Toni Morrison comes to mind, as does one of my best friends, both of whom support Obama)…I’m glad I’m not in that position. Or the position of a black man. Or the position of any woman. As much as I try to backup my rationale, I acknowledge that I can never really know just how difficult those perspectives must be.

Also, I wanted to acknowledge the other main point of your original response, which I think got lost in my missive: I really do think it is an amazing thing that a woman has come this far in an election, as a truly viable candidate. I just wish…that Hillary didn’t make it so easy to choose my racial equality leanings over my feminist ones. She’s a divisive character, no doubt, and when she tried to tear down MLK’s civil rights movement…well, that basically sealed the deal for me.

Although I have been thinking about IF she gets the nomination (which, actually, I’m starting to allow myself to believe that she won’t)…I may in fact still vote for her. I was talking to my therapist recently, who made the point that she is, well, ruthless (which we’ve witnessed on the campaign trail)…and I can’t help but respect that. She’s an ends justify the means kinda person, and sometimes I feel the same way. The hope is, however, that we can move past needing someone like that…and of course that’s the hope of Obama.

Jess, 2/12/08:

Yeah, Hillary’s ruthlessness and that ends justify the means mindset are definitely a lot of what turned me off from her. But if she won the nomination, I’d vote for her.

And there ya have it.

Fifteenth Post

I’m in my Monday class again (the one from my third post), and I think I’ve realized that…it’s a pretty slow and/or boring class. The teacher speaks in the previously-mentioned oh-so-slow cadence, and so I think he says a lot less than he could say in two hours if he were simply to just…well, pick it up.

But hey, it does give me the opportunity to extemporize a bit on whatever’s on my mind during class. Which I will do presently.

Conspiracy starts at 7:30pm. Work ends at 5:00pm, so that means I have two-and-a-half hours with nothing to do once a week. I tend to fill that time with coffee and reading my Psychology textbook at Starbucks (hey, they’ve got comfy chairs…also they pay for my roomie, Derek, to live) and then…well, that’s what I want to talk about.

I need to eat before class in order to make it through, but I am having trouble with this. It’s not an eating issue or a money (usually) issue, but it’s a where do I eat issue. And that’s not a logistical issue, but a social one: I want to create for myself a haunt.

I want to go somewhere on Mondays before class, be recognized, have my food and beverage of choice (veggie burgers and a Blue Moon, respectively), and just be…I dunno, a regular.

I want not only to be recognized by the waitstaff, but also the other regulars — I’m talking Craigslist missed connections, people. Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name (even if you have no idea what the hell theirs are)…am I right?

I’m not quite sure why I want this…I guess it would just be nice to be noticed? This probably has something to do with the latter part of my fourth post. It also reminds me of a Youtube video that I posted starring Derek, but with a brief appearance by me at the beginning. My roomie Roger posted it on a forum he frequents, and one of the people on there actually recognized me from the 1369 (a coffee shop) in Inman Square that I was at the night before. That ruled! Am I a recognizable person? Naturally, I would love to think so!

Anyway, I’ve been deciding between two restaurants in Harvard Square: Charlie’s and Grendel’s. I love the name and happy hour of the latter, but I enjoy that I can walk into the former at any time and find a seat (also, the waitstaff collectively has more tattoos). So we’re basically talking about style versus value. I have no idea which is more important to me…does that make me shallow? (Don’t answer that.)

Sigh. I guess I’ll just play it by ear and hope I make the right (harr) decision.

P.S. I must say that the fashion sense of this course’s instructor is impecable. A vest and matching suit? The class is boring, but his class certainly is not lacking. Ow-ow!

Fourteenth Post

I want to make a million babies.

I’m not sure how I’m going to do that — let alone with whom (that’s a half-lie) — but I’ve recently been thinking about the prospect of having children in very real terms.

My oldest best friend, Kelsey, is pregnant. All knocked up. (And I’m the godfather—ha!) Now, I don’t want to say that this makes me feel old, so…I will type it. This makes me feel old. Granted I’m only 26, and Kelsey will only be 27 when she gives birth, but supposedly that’s actually the average age to make babies (at least outside of marriage).

Now, I’m not exactly in a rush to be a daddy — I have things to do, after all. I have to finish this stinking bachelor’s that I’ve been working on for too long, and then I have plans to get my PhD in Psychology, so I’m probably not going to be a professional for another 6 years or more. And I just don’t have the monetary support system to make a baby otherwise. But there’s Kelsey, making a baby, and how exactly are our kids gonna be best friends if they’re not even close to the same age??

Which is something I’ve been thinking about: will Kelsey’s daughter or son experiment with my daughter or son when they’re teenagers? Will Anna become the mother-in-law to one of my kids? Will Laz force my son into a shotgun wedding?? Or, alternatively, and worst of all, will none of these things ever come to pass?

I’m sure I’m not alone in the world in envisioning — with what I can only refer to as a joyous anticipation — the friendships I have now extending for generations to come (however unrealistic such a prospect may be). And the notion of joining family trees with my dearest friends really is an exciting one (I’m kind of a genealogy nut, which I’ll probably go into it some other time).

But when is the right time? If I were suddenly to become a father now, how would I fare? Would I be able to continue with my plans at all, even if at a slower pace? Where would I live? What would I do for money? And yet, I think it’s these parental struggles that help to give a child character.

Ah, so much to do, but with so little time. At least I can have fun daydreaming about possible names. Here are just 10 of the favorites I’ve come up with over the years (note: Laurie is my mother’s name, and Alexander is my father’s name):

• Prudence Laurie Herwitz
• Trevor Alexander Herwitz
• August Christian Herwitz
• Jude Alexander Herwitz
• Noble Alexander Herwitz
• Increase Christian Herwitz
• Odessa Laurie Herwitz
• Ciro Alexander Herwitz
• Saat Laurie Herwitz
• Sorcha Laurie Herwitz

Hey, I can’t help but gush over this crap:

Oh, Anne Geddes…where would I get my “babies in adorable costumes” fix without you?

Thirteenth Post

My plea to everyone (taken from my plea to Valeria):

The baby boomers have already fucked things up enough. These two have essentially the same domestic politics (Hillary is certainly more hawkish, however), so consider the effect of a minority in the presidency…what that does for the western world (it’s unprecedented—it’s the equivalent of a jew in the German presidency), but more importantly what that does for the identity of this country, and its steps towards the closest thing to reconciliation that we’ve had since MLK.

Twelfth Post

I ain’t tryin’ to say…but I’m just sayin’. (See ninth post.)

Eleventh Post

I think this probably just about says it all:

My roomie Aaron composed that little masterpiece, but it was of course empathy with a fellow loser that spurred the Kodak moment.

Better luck next year, kids.

Tenth Post

Follow the trail:

Freezepop - Frontload and Brainpower —> Adult. - Glue Your Eyelids Together and Blank Eyed Nose Bleed —> The Prodigy - Hotride and Memphis Bells —> Radiohead — wait, no — Blonde Redhead - Spring and By Summer Fall —> Camille - Pâle Septembre —> text message from Simone: “If you say so.” —> text message from Brian: “Hey cock, sup? Brian” —> Lhasa - Para el Fin del Mundo o el Año Nuevo —> Ben and Raya enter the apartment —> I remember that this song used to make me cry —> I like to sing along, even though I barely know spanish —> I’m getting anxious, because I have to go soon but I want to listen to more —> Regina Spektor - Après Moi —> not sure if I can enjoy music while my mind is focused on not feeling anxiety —> sometimes firmly massaging my hands brings respite from these feelings. I do this during meetings at work —> I remember seeing Regina Spektor live with Bethany and Steve at Wellesley. I love those two…I’ve resolved to visit them somewhere in South America this summer —> the Russian part of the song just played and I was too busy thinking to appreciate it —> Raya’s friend, Doug the masseuse, offended me once by critiquing the back rub I gave him out of kindness and reciprocity —> I wish “banana” would bring up a decent song when I search imy iTunes —> M.I.A. - Jimmy —> disco from a Tamil reggae girl — hilarious! —> the Tamils really got a raw deal from the Sinhalese. Over and over again —> time to get ready to meet Kelly and Simone. After a little more disco groovin’.